The affect on Love

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I cried every night for that first week. I've missed my boyfriend terribly. That month together was a disgusting tease. It went by so fast.

I was having a hard time communicating with him ove rbreak for a few days. His mother had asked him what it was that he loved about me and if I was really worth it, the money and the relocation and it got him thinking...

He scared me when he told me that he had a hard time responding to her. Bu I remembered how I felt the first time someone asked why I loved him. It's hard to verbalize for the first time what precisely makes you love someone. We had a good talk and reassured each other that we were still 100% in.

I keep getting really worried because I see him doing what I try my hardest not to do. He hasn't applied to the University over here yet, and I know its because he's afraid he won’t get accepted. I always self sabotage when I'm afraid of failure. Then you can say I missed the deadline, not  I wasn't good enough.

The long distance has actually been really great for us. We began our relationship just 5 months before I left both aware I would go. We weren't too serious, we cared immensely for each other, but we both tried so hard not to fall. We finally told each other that we loved each other the week before I left and agreed to stick to our plan of ending it. Long Distance was not for us. I left and we were a wreck. We were in this weird place of not being together, but still loving each other and feeling together. It was confusing. We weren't really talking much and when we did we didn’t know HOW to.

Two weeks after I had left we discussed trying long distance. We both felt there was something worth saving. So I told him this:

My Life is here. This is where I have to be for the next couple of years. I have it going for me and if you want to be with me, you need to come to me. You don't need to make up your mind right away. I'm not a promise; don't come here just for me. Take some time. I need you here either next semester or next fall.

He thought about it for about a week or two and said he was coming here next fall. 

The two times we got to see each other throughout the semester (a collective of 9 days)were a reminder to the both of us why are together. We've gotten so much closer. We can tell when the other feels a certain way just by a 3 word text. We had to get to know each other entirely while completely ignore the physical aspects of a relationship that are so damn enticing.

And when we do see each other, it's amazing.

It Starts

The Beginning

I left my friends, family, and hardest of all, my boyfriend behind and headed off to school. I'll refer to my school as "Anonymous School of Art"...So ASA. I have a feeling that is the name of a real school? My boyfriend's best friend also attended ASA and would be graduating that December. Having him there was one of the biggest comforts to me. We weren't that close but it was a familiar face, a little piece of home.

I still vividly remember that first day on campus. it was warm and sunny outside. The kids were all over the lawn socializing or anti-socializing. I thought to myself....

"Oh dear God, look at all these kids....I'm surrounded by all the weirdos from high school."

And by that I meant, kids that took the classes cause they felt safe there. The teachers "got them" and they weren't going to be picked on or teased in there. They were all frolicking in amazement that others like them exist.

I instantly knew I was going to have a hard time finding someone to connect with.

Current

It has indeed proven hard to find a soul I can genuinely connect to. I know I still have time to find those people; it's just hard being in a new place without the people that "get you". I don't have my person.

I have certain people that I know I would connect immensely with its just a matter of taking the class time chit chat to a new level. I remain faithful and am actually having coffee tomorrow with a soul I admire.